Tiffany:
I want to share my daughter Victoria’s story with you. It is the story of an adult now in her mid-twenties who has grappled with inclusive practices and accommodations all her life. Victoria reflects on her experiences as an elementary and secondary student and has three impactful messages for students, their parents, and their teachers.
Victoria:
Growing up, I noticed that I was different from many kids. I went to many different doctors’ offices, where I felt like a science experiment. I got pulled out of classes to work in a quiet room, and I never understood why I couldn’t be with my friends in the classroom like a normal kid. Well, that’s because, for the longest time, I did not know I had a learning disability; no one told me until I was in about 4th grade. My parents finally told me why I always felt differently than all the kids. They said, “Victoria, you have a learning disability, but that doesn’t mean you’re stupid; you just learn differently.” The following year, I was put on medication for my ADHD. Again, I didn’t know why I had to take the pill before 9 a.m., but I just did; from then on out, I finally said, “ENOUGH, I am putting my foot down; I am in control of life. If I don’t want to take advantage of my accommodations to feel normal, then I won’t.”
I got to the age where I can make decisions on my own. Sure, my teachers, parents, and doctors were angry, but at times, you need to teach them a lesson by saying this is my body, my education, my life, and I need to make some decisions. That’s why having a good support team is essential because they respect me. Sure, they didn’t always agree with some of my choices, but it allowed me to grow, learn, and, most importantly, never give up.
To those students who are still in grade school, I want you to know that you control your body, education, and life. You need to do what’s best for you, and if they can’t respect that, then prove them wrong. Also, don’t be afraid to ask questions because you have the right to know.
Students, to those of you who experience living with a learning disability, I want you to know that you are not alone. Stop beating yourself up and feeling ashamed because I know that you might not get the best grades on paper, but you are sure you are the one who works the hardest and puts the most effort into your work.
Parents, there is a saying, “Put yourself in their shoes.” If you wrap a bandana around your eyes, it would mimic being blind. But you can’t do the same thing to understand your child with a learning disability. Parents try to do their best for their children. Still, as someone who has a learning disability, I believe that you need to educate your child after being diagnosed and explain everything to them: why they go to see different doctors, why they take medication, and why they get extra time to do schoolwork. Your child has the right to know. At a certain age, sometimes you must let your child make their own decisions, whether that means not using accommodations, stopping taking medication on weekends, etc. You may disagree with your child's decisions, but it will help your child learn. If you keep on sheltering your child, then they will never be able to grow to their full potential. Also, listen to your child, let them speak their mind and do not be afraid because your child knows what’s best for them. If your child forgets to take a pill because of being embarrassed at sleepovers, listen because it affects them socially.
Teachers, remember students with learning disabilities are just like any other kid. The worst thing you can do to a child who has a learning disability is to center them out and force them to use an accommodation. Listen to the child; if they feel embarrassed, let them act as if they don’t have a learning disability. Teachers affect students. I’m 20 years old, and I still have flashbacks to when I was a child in a classroom, and my teacher was babying me and making me feel stupid and not like a normal kid. The worst thing that a teacher can do is make a comparison to an older sibling with comments like, “Your sister was smart,” “When I taught your sister, she could read at this level,” “Have you taken your medication today?” “I can tell when Victoria doesn’t take her medication.”
How do you think that makes a student feel? Not just someone with a learning disability but just a student in general? Going to school should not feel like going to jail, but a place where the child feels accepted, safe, and confident. When you have parent-teacher interviews, inviting the student to participate is essential. I needed clarification on a teacher asking me to speak to my parents about my progress without me. Teachers tell students not to talk about other people behind their backs; how hypercritical of you? The student has a right to join if they want to. How are they supposed to improve if they don’t know? This can start as young as kindergarten. Like I said to the parents, a child with a learning disability gets to an age where they want to make their own decisions, and you need to respect that you may disagree with the decisions but let them learn from their consequences. You can assist them when they ask for it, not when you think it’s best, because you don’t always know when it’s best. Sometimes, you must take your teacher hat off and support a student by reminding them that they are smart, hardworking, everyday kids. Be the teacher that makes a difference in a child’s life and goes beyond the classroom doors.
Victoria is currently a successful Marketing Coordinator. She completed a diploma in Advertising & Marketing Communications Management and then a Bachelor of Creative Advertising. Throughout her post-secondary education, Victoria actively self-advocated for her accommodations in each of her courses – this was not always easy to accomplish. As her mother, a teacher, and an educational researcher, I continue to be amazed by how much I have to learn from her about what inclusion means. Tiffany and Victoria Gallagher live in the Niagara/Hamilton area of Southern Ontario.
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