I have spent many years consulting across Ontario, asking communities what happens to preschool children in their area. It's clear that when early childhood experiences are inclusive, families are more likely to seek continued inclusion in neighbourhood schools. This is not just a preference but a crucial foundation for lifelong learning and social integration.
Forty years ago, Ontario’s Children’s Services Ministry representatives visited the cooperative nursery school in my small town of Gravenhurst. They promoted the idea of inclusion by offering additional support so children of all abilities could play and learn together. This meant our son Matthew, who had been in a segregated preschool, could join an inclusive environment, significantly improving life for our entire family.
Now, living in Toronto, I am appalled to see that children with intellectual and other disabilities still enter segregated preschools and often remain segregated throughout their lives. These children are not welcomed or accommodated to learn as members of regular classrooms in their neighbourhood schools. School boards frequently justify this resistance by claiming that families “choose” segregated classes. In reality, families feel there is no choice; they may not even understand what true inclusion looks like.
Breaking the Cycle of Segregation
Reducing the pressure on families to place their children in segregated early childhood programs is essential. Effective advocacy for inclusion begins with changing how we approach the search for a diagnosis. Families often learn to focus on problems, leading to a cycle of negativity. I remember introducing Matthew to a school principal by listing his health problems, a habit I had developed from numerous medical consultations. This was a mistake.
Labels, especially those associated with autism, disguise individual differences and reinforce stereotypical prejudgments. As parents, we need to relearn to focus on our children's strengths and introduce them to their teachers as individuals. I wish someone had coached me to talk about Matthew’s musical ability, sense of humour, courage in new situations, and love of learning.
Changing Perceptions and Practices
Society often teaches us that life is unbearable for those who cannot walk, talk, or conform. This mindset leads parents to hope therapy will eradicate or lessen disabilities. Some therapists may judge children as too disabled to leave segregated settings. Educators must reassure parents that children do not need prerequisite skills to start neighbourhood kindergarten and continue in regular classes. Matthew resisted therapy in segregated settings but gained most of his skills joyfully by playing alongside other children. Parents need to remember that this is the beauty of inclusion.
When children with disabilities are grouped, parents see the need for more staff support. However, inclusion does not mean one-to-one staffing. Teachers must commit to their students’ success and design classroom learning for everyone. Education Assistants (EAs) should promote, not hinder, connections and learning among classmates. Matthew, despite being judged to have significant physical, communication, and educational challenges, only had an EA for a quarter of the day in high school, and even that was sometimes too much.
Building Community and Support Networks
When children are segregated, their parents often enter an alternate universe as well. Seeing so many children with problems in one place can be shocking. Parent networks tend to focus on problems, and stressed-out parents grow attached to staff who nurture them while working with their children. I appreciated when segregated preschool staff celebrated Matthew’s accomplishments, but it increased our isolation from the broader community. Parents need friends who see their children’s potential and strengths.
It was wonderful when the parents of Matthew’s Boy Scout friends advocated for his inclusion in high school. Community allies are invaluable for the whole family.
Fighting Ableism and Promoting Inclusion
Some families receive a hostile or begrudging reception when approaching their neighbourhood schools. Unlike racial discrimination, many parents of disabled children have never experienced the negative attitudes and obstacles their children face. Without understanding ableism, we might perpetuate it ourselves. Parents need to know that segregation puts disabled students at risk, isolating them from their neighbourhoods and loved ones.
Disabled adults who have experienced segregation can tell us why it is wrong. They inspire parents to aim higher, stop seeking respite from the “burden” of caregiving, and advocate for future citizenship—education, careers, actual homes, friendships, and love.
Advocating for Better Policies and Practices
Every year, at the time of kindergarten registration, trustees, teachers, and support staff lobby for increased provincial grants. The media often reports special education funding cuts, even when they aren't happening. As a result, parents worry their child won't receive support in a regular class. We must communicate that inclusion is practical and cost-effective—not just educationally, but for a better future—and is a human right.
No one can predict the future, so why do professionals tell parents their children “will never learn” or “won’t benefit from academic instruction”? Parents who aim high are criticized as unrealistic. Looking back, I resent those who dismissed Matthew’s emerging literacy and misunderstood his frustration. Professionals should inspire parents by setting the highest possible individualized academic and social goals.
Embracing Universal Design for Learning
Most parents haven’t been inside a school since they were kids. Throughout their child’s early years, they’ve likely learned a lot about therapy but nothing about universal design for learning. They’ll be reassured that flexible instruction isn't a burden but an advantage—better for all students.
Conclusion: Celebrating Families
Life is short and precious. I’m glad we resisted pressures over Matthew’s communication, behaviour, and mobility, allowing more time with our other children and as a family. As advocates for inclusion, let’s do whatever it takes to remove incentives for segregation. We must share our successes and celebrate families—joyfully, lovingly, and optimistically.
Marilyn Dolmage is a Toronto-based consultant and parent who assists schools and families in working together to improve education for students of all abilities and create new support relationships by improving policy and strengthening families, schools, and communities.
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